By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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