dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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