I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
