Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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