i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
