at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
