I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
