Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
