DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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