She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
