You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
