her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
