So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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