Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dick very happy bro
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
