How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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