WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
