Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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