My sheets look like a crime scene.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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