Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
