im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
