I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
