half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't put those talents on a resume
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
