I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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