just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
