doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
two words: eviction party
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
