i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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