half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So vagazzling was a success
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
