whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
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