shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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