So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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