the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
