dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize