no, he came in my armpit
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
