kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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