all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
