Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
