i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
handjob tips. give me some.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
