Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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