Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
