Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize