Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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