I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm at about main and main street
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
