Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
