My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
