Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
