so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
