I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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