Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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