why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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