dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
