Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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