is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize