I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
