I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
