I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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