Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
