What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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