why didn't you poke me back
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
