birth control should be required to get into college
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
