I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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