Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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