my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize