just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
