moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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