Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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