3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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