It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
