so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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