If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
