What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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