I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And then my night got REAL pukey
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
