the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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