I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
