Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You were trust falling into bushes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize