Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
