if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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