i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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