I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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