This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
