I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
