I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
