I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
