we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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