Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
