Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
