Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
