It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
