I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
